Hi Reader,
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A quick reminder: we are one week away from my next online workshop, Understanding Family Process. You can get more details and register below.

In this week's post, I confess about one of my strengths/weaknesses. I hope you find it helpful.

It All Starts with Values

​Read on the Blog​

I’m a productivity geek.

I’m all about making the most of my time using routines to stay focused on what’s most important. Of course, that’s subjective. For me, spiritual disciplines, planning and exercising are the first things I do nearly every morning. These help me to make the most of every day.

In addition, I love anything that saves time. Even if it’s a few minutes here and there, it all adds up. One co-worker made fun of me because I shave every other day. It only saves five minutes. But, by my calculus (5 minutes X 180 days), I save about 15 hours a year. Like I said, I’m a productivity geek.

Yet, I resonated with this article by Maya Shankar, Why I’m Rethinking My Relationship with Productivity: The Perils of "Pathological Productivity."​

Productivity is a means to an end; it’s not an end unto itself.

I want to make the most of my time so I can do the things that matter most. It took me a long time to realize that, but I’ve leaned into this for the last decade.

Edwin Friedman defined self-differentiation as the ability to claim your goals and values in the midst of surrounding togetherness pressure. A lot of people focus on the latter, as they often feel constrained by what they believe other people expect of them. That’s definitely a thing, but it all starts with values.

If you aren’t clear on your values, you will be influenced by the values of everything and everyone around you. Also, your goals won’t necessarily get you where you want to go, because they may not be in line with what really matters to you.

This is not a one and done. Regularly reflecting on what is most important to you is essential.

It’s not that values change all that much, but life around you does.

Two things that really changed for me were when my father-in-law had a debilitating stroke and our first grandchild was born. I wrote about it HERE, so I won’t go into the details.

I had always made time for family, but it was more about my physical presence than my emotional presence. Those two life changes made me realize that presence is more than just showing up. Emotional connection requires engagement, not just physical presence.

The key takeaway is that it’s hard to self-differentiate without having clarity on what really matters to you.

Whether you’re preparing to have a difficult conversation, trying to decide whether to take on another commitment, or prioritizing your most important goals, getting clear on your values will help you live without regret.

Taking time to reflect on what matters most to you is not a waste of time. It’s essential. This was a difficult lesson to learn for this productivity geek. Better late than never.

Recommendations

This week's recommendations relate to my most recent blog posts.

​Why I’m Rethinking My Relationship with Productivity by Maya Shankar. This is linked above, but I'm including it here because it's worth your time. It's not a long read, and it will help you to think about what really matters to you.

​Rightness is a prison - by Cate Hall - Useful Fictions I wish I had come across this when I shared last week's post (The Problem with Being Right). I especially like Hall's concept of "the Judo of agreeing," which is a lot like Edwin Friedman's concept of paradox.

Podcast

Episode 345 of The Non-Anxious Leader Podcast, How to Reduce Resistance to Change, is now available.

That's it for this week. Thanks for reading.

Peace,

Jack

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