Hi Reader,
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I'm back from vacation with another edition of Two for Tuesday. I hope you find it helpful.

The Problem with Seriousness

Most of what I’ve learned in family systems is counter-intuitive. Dealing with anxiety is no exception. A big takeaway is that the anxiety I feel about a situation has more to do with me and how I function in my family of origin than it does about the content of the situation.

This is true of seriousness, as well. Seriousness presents a paradox. You have to be serious about things, but if you get too intense, it will consume you. That’s when anxiety can become uncontrollable.

It’s this sort of intensity that makes a small problem a big problem and a big problem an overwhelming one. Its main characteristic is persistence. You would think persistence is a good thing. But not when it comes in the form of trying harder and harder through serious, intense efforts. This results in greater anxiety, a lack of flexibility and, paradoxically, the greater chance that the problem will become chronic.

So what do you do?

Lighten up. Stop thinking about the problem. Stop trying to fix it. Get some perspective.

(You’re now thinking, “That’s easy for you to say, it’s not your problem!”)

Here are some things you can do.

Pray

Of course, you can pray. But don’t pray about the problem. That will make you anxious. Pray for others. Pray for world peace. Pray for your church (unless that’s what is making you anxious). The idea of this kind of prayer is to get outside of yourself and your problems and connect with God. It will make God bigger and make the problem look smaller.

Meditate

OK…this is sounding like another blog post I wrote on spiritual practices. But, the reason meditation works is it has physical affects that will help. It lowers stress levels and increases your ability to focus. This will make you feel better, but it will also help you to be intentional about thinking about things other than your problem.

Exercise (especially outside)

You don’t have to get intense about this. Especially if you don’t exercise regularly. Just increasing your activity level will help. It will be even more effective if you are able to spend some time in the beauty of Creation. There is nothing like the proverbial walk in the park.

Do Something You Enjoy

This is the thing you’re least likely to do in the face of chronic anxiety. What makes anxiety chronic is you can’t stop thinking about the problem and ways to fix it. Having fun interrupts this kind of intensity. It will help reduce anxiety and create perspective. It doesn’t matter what you do. It’s whatever gives you joy. It could be reading, playing or listening to music, playing or watching sports, cooking, ad infinitum. It’s process, not content. The process here is to get your mind off the problem, to reduce the intensity.

So, whatever your problem, get some perspective. Work to keep it from consuming you. It might not fix it, but you might just put it in its place.

Recommendations

This week's recommendations continue the theme of healthy responses to life's challenges.

​A System for Refining Your Life [The Frustration List] from Ben Meer. This is a great way to manage life's challenges, whether they be minor annoyances or major obstacles. Instead of ruminating anxiously, set it aside until you can do something about it. The key here is knowing you'll deal with it, so you don't have to worry about it. If you get easily frustrated, this is a must read.

​The Little Boosts That Keep Us From Ourselves by Kathleen Smith. This deep dive distinguishes between the things that we think help us cope with life and those that actually build our capacity. If you're into family system theory, you won't want to skip this.

Podcast

Episode 299 of The Non-Anxious Leader Podcast, Everyone Loves a Non-Anxious Presence – Chapters 10-14, is now available.

That's it for this week. Thanks for reading.

Peace,

Jack

P.S. If you are new to Two for Tuesday, you can read previous editions HERE.

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