Hi Reader,
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I hope this Tuesday finds you well. This week's post unpacks the meaning of a non-anxious presence. I hope you find it helpful.

Also, registration is now open for my May 6 workshop, The Idea of Family (see below for more details).

The Power of Presence

​Read on the Blog​

When we think about trying to change things for the better, whether in our family, congregation or organization, we often think about strategy and tactics. Where should we head? How do we get there?

Most of us overlook the power of presence.

When you are a non-anxious presence, you are someone who knows your beliefs, values and goals, AND you can stay emotionally connected to others, especially those who make you the most anxious.

When you are a non-anxious presence, you are authentic. You are your best self. There is power in presence.

In her book, Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges, psychologist and Harvard Business School professor, Amy Cuddy, defines presence as having confidence and trust in yourself in life’s most stressful situations. When you are present, you are in touch with your thoughts, goals, beliefs and values. And you are able to express them in a non-anxious way.

Presence is as important as strategy and execution. Why? Here are three reasons.

Presence is calming.

We expect a leader to be calm, cool and collected. When a leader has presence, when they are their authentic, best self, it brings the anxiety level of the whole system down.

When you know what you believe and how to express it in non-anxious ways, you are being present. When you do this in a way that gives others the freedom to disagree, you help the entire system to remain calm. This is especially important in stressful situations.

Presence is powerful.

Psychologists distinguish between social power and personal power. Social power is the power to control others. It comes with position, authority and status. Social power is a limited resource. It is highly dependent on our place, relative to others. We may climb to the top of one organization or network, giving us great social power. But there is almost always something bigger. Looking to gain social power keeps us always wanting more.

Personal power is an unlimited resource. Rather than coming from external conditions, it’s dependent on our own inner resources. It comes from acting on who we are and what we believe.

Personal power enables you to think more clearly and make better decisions. It enables you to be more vulnerable, making you less risk avoidant and more likely to forgive others. It also helps you to focus on making your best effort, based on your goals and values, regardless of the outcome.

Presence, being your best, authentic self, generates personal power. It increases your confidence and ability to do your best work, whether professionally or personally. The more present you are, the more personal power you will have, and the more you can bring to being your best self.

Presence is attractive.

This is the result of the other two reasons listed above. People gravitate toward a leader who is calm, who follows their values and who focuses on their own contributions rather than attempting to control others.

When you’re present, people may not always follow, but they are going to be more open to what you think and believe because you are authentic. This helps others to do the same for themselves, and that’s attractive.

I write a lot about being a non-anxious presence. By definition, when you are present in a positive way, you have your anxiety in check (even as you feel anxious inside). And, when you can regulate your anxiety, you are more likely to be present. As a leader, this is one of your most important tasks.

Recommendations

This week's recommendations will help you grow as a non-anxious presence.

​6 Important Reasons to Talk Less - Matt Norman The author writes, "Silence is a non-anxious act of leadership. It’s the release of control and judgment." Amen to that. Maybe I missed something, but I only saw five reasons, but they are good ones, nonetheless.

​Maybe You Don't Need That Little Relationship Treat by Kathleen Smith. This article distinguishes the difference between taking responsibility for self (non-anxious presence) and depending on others to manage your anxiety (anxious presence). The lists alone will help you assess your own functioning.

Podcast

Episode 325 of The Non-Anxious Leader Podcast, Non-Anxious Leaders Understand They Are Not in Control (Rebroadcast), is now available.

That's it for this week. Thanks for reading.

Peace,

Jack

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