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Happy Tuesday! This week I'm introducing another learning opportunity that starts in the fall. The good news: its FREE. Scroll down for more info.

We had our entire family, four kids, spouses and seven grandchildren together recently. It doesn't happen often. This post is a reminder that good things get passed on, too. Thanks for reading!

The Positive Side of Intergenerational Transmission

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When we were raising our four children I loved being with our parents. We enjoyed their company. It also meant a break from the demands of parenting.

When we were at my parents’ or in-laws’ house we rarely, if ever, had to cook, clean or even closely supervise our children. If we spent the night, it meant getting up just long enough to make sure that one of the grandparents was watching the kids before going back to bed to get an extra hour or two of sleep.

I don’t think I took it for granted. I was grateful. But I was often so tired and overwhelmed that it was just nice to know that I could count on the kind of help our parents provided.

Now that I am a grandparent myself, I can’t help doing the same for our children. This is what positive generational transmission looks like.

Intergenerational transmission is a loose set of unwritten rules and automatic behaviors transmitted from one generation to the next. We often don’t think about it because it happens automatically.

In family systems theory we often talk about the negative aspects of intergenerational transmission such as substance-abuse or physical or emotional abuse. But good things get passed on, too.

Now, when I am with our grandchildren, I want to do everything possible to care for them. Part of it is getting a chance to bond with them in a very special way. But I believe the deeper part of it is this idea that this is what grandparents do. It’s automatic. I am like a moth attracted to a light at dusk. I can’t help myself.

That said, I can already tell that holding one of our grandchildren early in the morning or while everybody else is eating is giving us a closeness that will last our entire lives. I also take pleasure in knowing that our children and their spouses are getting a little bit of a break. I know the demands of parenting are relentless. I know that we can’t do it for them and that they will find their way through. But I like the fact that we can give them a break every now and then. It’s a win-win-win. It’s good for us. It’s good for them. And it’s good for our grandchildren

That’s the positive side of intergenerational transmission.

Recommendations

This week's recommendations will help you live better and lead more effectively.

​The Truth About People Pleasing - by Adam Grant - Granted If you're a people pleaser, this is a must read. Even if you're not, it's worth understanding. Don't skip the 1:11 video clip with Adam Grant and Kristen Bell.

​How to Say No in Ministry Without the Guilt | The Authentic Pastor This article not only tells you why you can say No (in ministry or anywhere else), it shows you how. Good stuff!

Podcast

Episode 395 of The Non-Anxious Leader Podcast, 3 Ways Your Primary Triangle Influences Your Functioning, is now available.

That's it for this week. Thanks for reading.

Peace,

Jack

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