Hi Reader,
​
Happy Tuesday! If you drive a car, this week's post will likely be familiar. I love to relate everyday occurrences to family systems theory. Enjoy!

Sidezoomers, Lineuppers and Surrounding Togetherness Pressure

​Read on the Blog​

I once listened to a Freakonomics podcast where they discussed the issue of what to do when a highway merges from two lanes to one. As Cynthia Gorney writes in her New York Times article, The Urge to Merge, this situation presents an ethical dilemma.

Do you line up in the remaining lane well before the merge or do you drive in the disappearing lane until you are required to merge?

Gorney coined the term lineuppers for the former and sidezoomers for the latter. She is a lineupper.

According to Freakonomics economist, Steven Levitt, the lineuppers are actually slowing things down for everyone. The most efficient use of the highway is for drivers to use both lanes completely and alternate merging into the remaining lane. This is called the zipper merge. This actually gets everyone to their destination sooner than politely lining up for the remaining lane.

Levitt contends that to change driver behavior, we need to change the instructions. And, in fact, I occasionally see the sign “Alternate Merge” where two lanes permanently go to one.

But until then, what will YOU do?

Will you politely line up as sidezoomers fly by you? Or will you make the most of the available asphalt real estate? If you do the former, will you seethe at the injustice and nearly kiss the bumper of the car in front of you to prevent a lowly sidezoomer from squeezing in? If you do the latter, will you zoom by without feeling guilty, knowing that you are actually doing a service for those who come after you or will you refuse to make eye-contact with a lineupper for fear that you may lose your resolve?

For most, the presence of this situation creates surrounding togetherness pressure. I certainly feel this. Even though I know that sidezooming is legal and is more efficient, I am often a lineupper because I don’t want to appear to be a jerk to people I don’t’ know. That’s surrounding togetherness pressure.

What does this have to do with being a non-anxious leader?

Non-anxious leaders are comfortable with the decisions they make and are not worried about what other people think or do.

Here are two scenarios. Feel free to choose either one.

Choose to be a lineupper. Own it. But, don’t get resentful when sidezoomers go by you. It’s their right. And when the merge comes, let a car in, knowing that they zoomed passed you because they could. You can even say to them silently, “Have a nice day.”

Or choose to be a sidezoomer. Own it. Don’t feel guilty. But don’t get angry if there are lineuppers who don’t want to let you in. They’ve got their own issues.

It’s your choice. And that’s the point. A non-anxious leader is able to own their position while giving others the freedom to disagree.

Finally, we can all agree that “fake-exit” guy is wrong. You know, the one who bypasses gridlocked traffic by running up the exit lane, then merges back into traffic at the last minute. That’s just wrong. Of course, if you’re that guy, feel free to disagree.

Recommendations

This week's recommendations will help you think about leadership in family systems terms.

​That will never work” | Seth's Blog This one-minute read is a reminder that leadership means not letting skeptics keep you from working to make a difference. That's surrounding togetherness pressure.

​24 Ways You Had a Predictable 2024 by Kathleen Smith Want to have some family systems fun? Go through this list and count how many apply to you (I came up with at least 10). Remember, the most we can expect to self-differentiate is 50% of the time. Reflecting on when we don't helps us to grow as a non-anxious presence.

Podcast

Episode 313 of The Non-Anxious Leader Podcast, A Family Systems Take on Seth Godin’s 10 Elements of a System-Part 2, is now available.

That's it for this week. Thanks for reading.

Peace,

Jack

P.S. If you are new to Two for Tuesday, you can read previous editions HERE.

P.P.S. If this was forwarded to you by a friend, you can subscribe here.