Hi Reader,
​
Happy Tuesday! This week's musing comes from a recent conversation I had with my wife. I asked her I could write about it, and she said go ahead. So here it is. Let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!

I Don’t Want Any of Your Witchcraft

​Read on the Blog​

I recently gave a workshop on family systems theory and, as usual, people resonated with the concepts. At the end, one person asked me how my family members respond to all the work I do in this area.

My response? They humor me.

We have an understanding. I don’t try to force it on them, and I leave them alone about it. In general, they don’t talk about it.

My wife and I were riding in the car recently. She remarked that she was feeling anxious about some work-related things. I asked her if she wanted to do some PQ reps.

PQ, or Positive Intelligence, reps are mindfulness-based exercises that help get from your primitive brain to your thinking brain. I have found them to be the most effective practice for self-regulation. They help me to be a non-anxious presence. I explained PQ in my podcast recently.

Anyway, Jodi’s response was, “I don’t want any of your witchcraft.”

We both laughed. PQ and family systems are my things, not hers.

I often get people asking me how they can get their family members, congregants or co-workers to embrace family systems principles.

You can’t. Nobody wants to be told what to do.

The best thing you can do is take responsibility for yourself. Focus on your own functioning and how you can better self-differentiate. Even if it doesn’t change others, it will improve how you respond to them.

Your best chance for influencing positive change in any relationship system is learning to be a non-anxious presence. You’ll be surprised at the difference it can make. Even if it doesn’t make a huge difference for others, it will make a big difference for you. Sometimes that’s enough.

Recommendations

​A System for Developing Thick Skin by Ben Meer. As I note in this week's podcast episode, leaders need to show they care for others, even as they don't care what they think. This article will give you three ways to help you do this. It opens with a quote from James Clear and ends with one from Colin Power, both of which are worth it by themselves.

​Living Outside of Conflict by Kathleen Smith. This article is all about managing yourself, even as others are making it difficult. That's the essence of self-differentiation.

Podcast

Episode 293 of The Non-Anxious Leader Podcast, 7 Characteristics of a Non-Anxious Leader, is now available.

That's it for this week. Thanks for reading.

Peace,

Jack

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